Couple (Marriage or Courtship) Approach (Yet applicable in diverse dispensation of life)
“For a fact, Listening is the only magic, which solves problems without actions.”
Solid relationships over centuries have been built due to effective Listening.
However, majority/several others too, have been wrecked by dint of poor Listening; those relationships or conversations lacked “the magic”.
Yes, there is a mystery (magic) to every success in life. For effective communication, the simple mystry is Listening.
Listening is not just being silent and hearing, No.
Well, there is a difference between Listening and Hearing and it is extremely important that we understand the meaning and disparity between the two, so that we could avoid conflicts, misinterpretations, insinuations, inter alia, in our relationships and strengthen love, respect and trust between our partners and us.
Listening is of the conscious view to understand, the spirit and emotions of communication and perhaps act upon what (could be an information or report) you receive during discussions, while Hearing is just using the ear to receive an information (to show your presence, not attentiveness) without paying particular attention to the spirit and emotions behind what is being said.
Do you often ask your partner to repeat what she said two years ago? Or do you act in a way contrary to a discussion you had had with her?
Or do you ask too many questions about talks you had about a decision or her problems.
If your answers are Yes, then you weren’t Listening, you just were Hearing what ever she had to say.
This reduces the confidence and trust your partner has in you and it might even result in disrespect, because you are unreliable.
Women have so many needs and most of them are solved just by Listening, nothing else. Yes, Just that!
You need not to be quick in finding solutions to the problems your dates or your wife put before you.
They just need a person to talk to and not solutions.Men (Mars) usually seek and love solutions; Women (Venus) do not necessary seek for solutions but empathy.
So you see why listening abilities are a must in every successful relationship?
If you wish to change the way your wife perceives you, increase her sexual drive for you, boost respect and become in her mind the best man on earth, then listen to her.
That means that you do not interrupt her with your stories, your thoughts on what she just said, or by changing the subject or trying to chip in with solutions.
Listen to her heart as well as her words, while appreciating the spirit and emotions behind what she says.
As she talks, ask yourself, “What is she feeling as she tells me this?” “What is the background (spirit/emotions) of what she says?” Even more importantly, ask yourself, “What is the message she really wants me to hear?”
Once she knows that you are genuinely interested in her views, thoughts, and feelings, you can actually be a great solace or comforter to her.
This one thing (just listening) can change you into a better husband or partner in one month: Each day, spend at least a half-hour just listening to your wife talk. Turn off the TV, cellphones, and radios.
Find a place where there are no distractions, including interruptions from your children (if you have).
Look directly into her eyes, and then ask a couple of questions to get her started.
Comment only if she asks, or if you want to better understand something she just said.
Show her that you enjoy hearing her talk, no matter how trivial (unimportant) the subject, because it helps you understand her better and love her more.
Use facial expressions to show you really follow and empathize with what she is saying.
You could tap her shoulders or hug her to show how you really care about what she is saying whiles she speaks.
Intermittently, you could repeat things she says, nod or add up to complete statements she tries to make to let her know you are really attentive and following everything she says.
This would surely create that peace and love you deserve in your home, whenever you get the privilege to get your wife sharing her innermost feelings or concerns you.
Improve your Relationship or Marriage today by deploying the use of the magic Listening more and talking less!
Mr. Hko (Writer and Coach)
Facebook: HK Ocran